Sometimes it is a struggle to stay on the right path. I like to believe I walk close to the right path, but my yoga practice has made me aware of things I never noticed before. I know I stray from the path, but lately I wonder if I am not on the wrong path all together.
In aspects of my life I once thought I was happy I find myself wanting. I feel myself coming to a crossroad in my life. At this point in time the view is not clear enough to tell what this crossroad is or where the roads leads. I just feel there is a change that needs to take place just around the corner, so to speak.
I began a weekly yoga practice nearly a year ago, I must admit I don’t spend as much time on the mat as I should or would like to even, but I dedicate some time every Tuesday. I never realized I was changing. I could feel my body growing stronger and a bit more balanced, but that all I thought was changing. I have recently realized a change in my thoughts. Sometimes I frustrate very easily typically when others around me are obsessing over things that won’t really matter in the grand scheme of their lives. I have attributed this to realizing we are not traveling the same paths, which is okay. Once I recognize it’s just a difference of where we are in our emotional lives the frustration dissipates. I am now beginning to understand why most literature says you should clear your mind of expectations of what yoga or meditation will do. I always thought the practice of meditation and yoga would help clear my mind not muddy the waters further.
Continuing in my noticed changes, the past few months I have found my satisfaction in my employment wanting. Where I once found enjoyment and nuance, I now find routine and frustration. When I started this position, I believed I had found my dream job. Now I daydream about being somewhere else during the work day or long to be outside enjoying life instead of cooped up in an office. Many days at lunch I sit outdoors under a tree and write, when its time to return I long to stay out. Don’t get me wrong, I still enjoy my job and I love my coworkers, but there is something missing. A sense of fulfillment. I know what I do keeps the department moving smoothly and I know I am needed and appreciated. It’s something internal. I feel drawn to do something different, I am just not sure what yet.
I have decided yoga and meditation has made me much more aware. Aware of my feelings, surroundings and balance. I do not claim my dissatisfaction was not there before I started yoga, it was merely unnoticed. I am much more aware of the balance in my life or when something becomes unbalanced.
Most of my noticed changes are a positive thing, even if they do not sound like it. I am glad I have noticed the irritation some people cause me that way I can mentally prepare myself when I have to be in contact with them. I am also glad I noticed my dissatisfaction in my job. I noticed it before the downward spiral of job performance issues that soon follow. I am still in a position to change.
But best of all I have noticed the quality of my relationships. The intimacy shared between two true friends or your significant other. I have noticed in the past few months the bond of my relationship with my fiancé grow stronger. We are closer and more open with one another.
I love what my yoga practice has done for my life!