The struggle

Sometimes it is a struggle to stay on the right path.  I like to believe I walk close to the right path, but my yoga practice has made me aware of things I never noticed before.  I know I stray from the path, but lately I wonder if I  am not on the wrong path all together.

In aspects of my life I once thought I was happy I find myself wanting.  I feel myself coming to a crossroad in my life.  At this point in time the view is not clear enough to tell what this crossroad is or where the roads leads.  I just feel there is a change that needs to take place just around the corner, so to speak.

I began a weekly yoga practice nearly a year ago, I must admit I don’t spend as much time on the mat as I should or would like to even, but I dedicate some time every Tuesday. I never realized I was changing. I could feel my body growing stronger and a bit more balanced, but that all I thought was changing. I have recently realized a change in my thoughts. Sometimes I frustrate very easily typically when others around me are obsessing over things that won’t really matter in the grand scheme of their lives. I have attributed this to realizing we are not traveling the same paths, which is okay. Once I recognize it’s just a difference of where we are in our emotional lives the frustration dissipates. I am now beginning to understand why most literature says you should clear your mind of expectations of what yoga or meditation will do. I always thought the practice of meditation and yoga would help clear my mind not muddy the waters further.

Continuing in my noticed changes, the past few months I have found my satisfaction in my employment wanting. Where I once found enjoyment and nuance, I now find routine and frustration. When I started this position, I believed I had found my dream job. Now I daydream about being somewhere else during the work day or long to be outside enjoying life instead of cooped up in an office. Many days at lunch I sit outdoors under a tree and write, when its time to return I long to stay out. Don’t get me wrong, I still enjoy my job and I love my coworkers, but there is something missing. A sense of fulfillment. I know what I do keeps the department moving smoothly and I know I am needed and appreciated. It’s something internal. I feel drawn to do something different, I am just not sure what yet.

I have decided yoga and meditation has made me much more aware. Aware of my feelings, surroundings and balance. I do not claim my dissatisfaction was not there before I started yoga, it was merely unnoticed. I am much more aware of the balance in my life or when something becomes unbalanced.

Most of my noticed changes are a positive thing, even if they do not sound like it. I am glad I have noticed the irritation some people cause me that way I can mentally prepare myself when I have to be in contact with them. I am also glad I noticed my dissatisfaction in my job. I noticed it before the downward spiral of job performance issues that soon follow. I am still in a position to change.

But best of all I have noticed the quality of my relationships. The intimacy shared between two true friends or your significant other. I have noticed in the past few months the bond of my relationship with my fiancé grow stronger.  We are closer and more open with one another.

I love what my yoga practice has done for my life!


Plans… when they fail

It has been a while, but I hope everyone had a happy fourth of July!  My day though started out rough was wonderful. 

I had this amazing plan that I would get up and do my yoga in the morning instead of trying to squeeze it in later in the day, inevitably I never get around to it if I put it off.  I get up go out to the car to get my mat, set up the computer and attempt to go to the website I love and my internet connection was down.  Which frustrated me.  I felt like I wasted those twenty minutes messing around with the connection for it to come back up a half hour later.  I decided once the internet was up I was too frustrated to even think about calming down and doing yoga.  I knew I would be too judgmental and frustrated when I approached the mat.

Instead I went to back up plan.  I started cleaning.  I managed to take down the desk, mop and rearrange the book room.  Then I went to the laundry room / entry way and organized it.  Now when I walk into my home I no longer see clutter instead I see clean pristine surfaces.  Overall I think my back up plan was more therapeutic for me than doing the yoga yesterday morning.  Now I have made an inviting atmosphere at home instead of a dreadful one.

Some days I’m happy with plans fall through and the back up plans work better.

Supporting Autism

In two weeks I will be walking my first ever 5K.  I hope this will be the first of many charitable events I will be able to take part in.  This 5K speaks to me on a person level.  I am walking in the  Walk Now For Autism Speaks.  The donations go to researching the cause of autism, spreading awareness and teaching compassion.  My life was touched by autism 19 years ago when my little brother came into our lives.  He was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome when he was 6 years old.   DSC03109He has changed my view-point on so many things.  He also manages to make me insanely jealous with his uncanny ability to mimic music.  That boy can hear a piece of music a few times and repeat it almost identically.  He learned how to play the piano in a few short weeks better than I had in practicing several months.

In two weeks I will be walking in hopes to raise awareness of how this disorder affects people like my brother and like the three and a half-year old son of our good friends.  I agreed to participate in this walk when our friends came to us about the walk.  Their son C.J. was diagnosed on the Autism spectrum.  He is has been doing very well and is starting to socialize.  I want to be able to support our friends and help them in any way possible since I have helped raise my younger brother, who manages to make me smile every time I see him.

Power Yoga

Last Thursday’s class I introduced us all to power yoga. I had been interested in it trying it, but I just hadn’t managed to fit one of those videos into my home workout. I typically do the yoga at home that I know I would get a little negative feedback from the group. It tend to do a faster vinyasa flow at an intermediate level or I do restorative and slower hatha yoga.

Since we had been meeting twice weekly since January, some of us since November, I decided we were ready to give power yoga a shot. I loved it! It was the best yoga work out I had gotten in a while. Unfortunately we only got halfway through the video before the network crash and we lost our internet connection. We had done tree pose on only one side. So I decided to actually lead the class and finish out the tree pose for the opposite leg. After we balanced our bodies back out, I found some meditation music on my Kindle, thank goodness I carry it everywhere! I found a peaceful song by Shaman’s Dream that lasted about 10 minutes. It was a great way to finish out in savasana.

Needless we will be revisiting that video again to get the full use out of it, possibly as early as Tuesday. I was sad we didn’t get to do the second half which was mostly balancing poses, but I was happy I got a workout from it. The next day my shoulders and triceps were a bit sore, but not too achy.

This evening is another yoga night, I think we will be doing a fusion yoga / Pilates video.  But tonight will be a little different from my average Thursday night, not only do I have tomorrow off, but this evening after I return home I will have another yoga practice to do.  My fiancé has requested to do yoga with me if it wouldn’t be too much for me.  He has watched my excitement and passion for yoga grow and he wants to try it for himself.  So of course I could never tell him no to that!

Bikini Body

It’s never too early to start thinking of your summer beach body. Last week I started a new workout site. (If you haven’t noticed I am not a big fan of gyms. The gyms near my house are not very good on only have weights and treadmills; no classes. So I have resorted to making my own classes with a variety of workouts.)

As we all know I have been facilitating a yoga class on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Lately I have noticed my body aching for more. I have been adding at least one extra yoga practice a week, but it’s just not enough.

A couple of Sundays ago I was listening to Pandora and for the first time ever they fed me an ad that I was actually interested in. It was an ad for a new workout site, Daily Burn. Right now they have an introductory special for a free month, after the promotion is over it’s a $10 monthly charge.  They also have a nutrion progam (I haven’t started that yet).

I started the Daily Burn 15. It’s a 15 day program with videos only lasting 15 minutes of mainly cardio, but also core work and a bit of strengthening exercises. It says for all fitness levels, but be careful! I sweat like a wild boar when I do the videos.

I do have a few little grievances with the website, and it might be just the program I have selected. If I miss a video it continues my day count instead of waiting for me to complete that workout. I know it is designed for 15 straight days, but I have discovered the days I have yoga I am normally to exhausted to do the 15 minute workout.

I have given some thought to getting up earlier in the morning and getting my workout in before work or just to continue skipping those Tuesdays and Thursdays and pick my yoga videos a bit more carefully to insure I am not working the exact muscle groups two days in a row.

I updated my measurements page and will do so ago after this program is done. Now is the perfect time to start working on that swimsuit body!

Approaching tomorrow with apprehension

Tomorrow is yoga day.  Though since Monday was a holiday I am hoping that my cohorts will remember and show up.  I have done my pre-yoga homework and have selected a routine for class.  I think this one will be agreeable.  It’s a thirty-five minute fire flow.  It moves at a medium pace.  Last week I choose one that was too fast and the week before one that was too slow, so I think this one will be the balance between. 

I am not worried about the actual yoga routine being met with criticism, but more the guided meditation I have picked.  I have found myself wanting to add a ten to fifteen minute mediation into my yoga practice, but the other gals don’t always seem as receptive to it.  I have gotten questions like what’s the point of mediation, what am I supposed to be doing because I keep falling asleep.  I listened to the full mediation audio this evening.  It is a mediation on mindful living, it is a fantastic practice by Bernie Clark.  My apprehension lies in it ‘s deep Buddhist origins, but most of my participants are devout Christians.  I think the message is fantastic, but I don’t know if they will approach it with open arms.  Here is to broadening horizons and hoping for the best.  I hope my apprehensions are misplaced!

Yoga and Patience

If yoga has taught me anything it has taught me patience.  Patience with myself, patience moving into and out of a pose, patience with my flexibility, patience with breath.  Just patience.

This week I have learned I need to have more patience with my group.  The group has grown from three to seven.  I am impressed with their motivation and determination.  I need to have patience with them to learn what to expect and what not to expect from Yoga.  Lately I have been getting complaints the video is too slow, then when I attempt to pick it up a bit they quit early and sit and watch or complain.  I just have to have patience.

I have to learn to teach them the benefits of slower more restorative yoga a long with the fast pace flow or kundalini yoga.  And that yoga isn’t always and aerobic exercise, but sometimes it’s good to reset your batteries.

My lesson for this week will be patience.

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